Moving.

New blog at:

alwaystwitterpated.wordpress.com

Happy Mother's Day

I'm slipping...

I don't know when I'll recover this time.


If I ever do.

Tee Hee.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/58-japan



http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls

*Note: highlight & copy websites into your browser. creating a link is too high tech for me.

I HATE the P.M.

'...The Predictable Male is a common species. He grows in every neuk and corner of our globe and tends to dress with little imagination and / or individual personality. His hair will be unadventurous and he may very well have had the same hairstyle since he was a boy at school, without any deviation from the "short-ish at the back and sides and a little bit messy on the top but not TOO messy" style that's served him so boringly well over the years. You will tend to find this species talking at length about things that are incredibly, well... predictable. Examples in this case are futile. You will simply know you are dealing with The Predictable Male when you find yoursef predictably predicting his topics of conversation and your Bland Alarm begins ringing in the back of your skull. The most common topics, however, are usually cars or money or debt or clubs / bars etc. You may come across the odd 'maverick' Predictable Male - he may say things like "You know, I feel like just ditching it all and moving to Thailand, you know?". This is a device used to give the female the impression that he has a softer, more worldly, less corporate, more 'hip' side to him and isn't just one of these 'boring guys'. Much like a virus mutates, so does the P.M...'

Quotation from 'The Predictable Male', by Hugh Janus.

Move over boys...

I'm in love.




I've decided its about time that I get back to writing. After losing my first novel to tragic & debilitating computer complications, I'm in need of something more tangible.




Get me one and I'll make sweet, hot, dirty, love-you-long-time love to you.

ROOMIE!

Jaclyn flies in today!!!!








Cheeeehoooooooo! Watch out boys! She's a MANEATER!

I Miss You = I Love You

The world will never be the same. And you're to blame.

New Books!!!

What Ifs

A lot of "what ifs?" are suddenly occurring all at once.


And I'm stuck here really not knowing what to do.





BIIIIIIG pickle.

I Don't Like To Share.

Period.




Drop that bitch and come here.




You know she will never be me.

Old Habits Die Hard.

He lured me back into my old habits.





It wasn't my fault, I swear!

Pussy Whipped.

I scare you because you know what I can do.
I scare you because you have no idea who I will tell.
I scare you because you know you already are in love with me.

I scare you because you know that I'm using you.
I scare you because you know you can never have me.
I scare you because you know that I don't want only you.
I scare you because you know that you're NOT the "one".





Listen to me. You might as well call it off now. Before your fragile little heart get broken into pieces. Because you know I won't care if it is. Because I won't do a damned thing about it but walk away. And not look back. So leave now.


Country boys and city girls don't do well together. I've told you before, you're too nice. And I'm not. I'd say I'm sorry. But I'm not. You were fun while it lasted.

Give Me Smog.

I miss home. A lot, a lot.





I hate being surrounded by these simple minded folk. Give me the assholes, the 80mph drives, plastic tits and dicks.


California is a reality check to whom ever lingers its way. I'm stuck in this fucking Six Days, Seven Nights movie day in and day out.



TAKE ME HOME. (or to Germany.)

I am NOT a prostitute.

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Lazy Mornings.

Mmm. Mornings of hours and hours of quality bed time are what I live for. Okay, I lied. Quality bed time at any time of the day is what I live for.




I may be the Queen of Self Indulgence... but boy, was this morning a good one.





-Had a few hours of the greatest cuddling time ever after a job well done.
-An early morning drive in the rain! The RAIN!! How I missed thee...
-No road rage to be seen! Nor heard!
-The jazz music! Light on the piano and drums..but rich with sax solos. It just might be my new favorite thing. AFTER, sex and cupcakes/ice cream/noodles, of course.
-After a bowl of ramen, guess what was on the tube?! AMELIE! My favorite movie ever.



IMAGINE!!! What if I had ALL THREE at ONCE?! Sex, jazz music and ice cream covered cupcakes?! I shall make it happen.





I heart today.

Isn't It Ironic?

"You'v already won me over, in spite of me."


How could I have let myself?? None of this should have happened. You're supposed to be just one of those boys whose last name I forget a few months down the road.

But you're not. And I hate that. It's that movie ending... the convertible classic car rides off into the sunset, the couple together, leaving nothing behind but a thick layer of dust where its been. Except, in this story, the guy forgot the girl. And no matter what she does or what he says, he doesn't make that u-turn. His heavy foot still remains on the gas pedal...getting as far away as he can get.

I have everything that could keep me occupied...but you still end up in my head.


Last year, my life was so incredibly simple and sweet. School was easy (and I was stilll attending), I was only working one job (instead of four), friends were around and I went home often enough. A boyfriend who would do anything for me...gave me the small world he knew. We broke up but it wasn't so hard. '07 looks as its heading towards a difficult year.

With all this, its hard to keep optimisitic. The reality is...you're going to always be that "what if?" guy. At times, I don't want to accept that that could be true. It's my rare glass-full thinking. But in the back of my analytical mind, I know its a lost cause. There is no hope to be had.

The one person that I want to give my world to....doesn't want it. Fuck you. It was all a lie.





Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. I've been denying it all these years but perhaps I'm one of those. I want that person that would travel hundreds of thousands of miles just to see me for a minute. The one that can stop analyzing everything and jump into anything with me. One who can forget everyone else exists, except us. I am going to let myself be whisked away by someone who's already in love with me. It'd be completely effortless. We'd travel the world. He'd let me have my zoo of animals. Two beautiful German/Japanese kids with a whole rainbow of 10 adopted children.

I would be his world. And he would be mine.

California On The Brain.

"That which will never come again is what makes life so sweet."



Days like these... These "contemplation" days- the ones that make you pause, that make you take deeper breaths, that make you sit back and look at what is before you-type of days are so few and far between lately.

I used to have these days all the time. I'd just lounge around in pajamas listening to Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta Jones. Watch the sunlight's shadows move. Rock in my hammock and count clouds. Read an entire book, cover to cover. Daydream my day away.

Just makes me wonder how numbered these days are.








P.S. Your love is better than ice cream. I'm addicted.

Publius Cornelius Tacitus.

"Forbidden things have a secret charm."



"For those who fly across the seas, they change their skies, not their souls."

A Beautiful Mistake.

That's all I've ever made out of my life.

Crazy, unbridled, yet full of beautiful learned lessons- mistakes.


One after another. Resulting from lack of sound judgement, very little coherence, absolutely no sense of coordination with mind nor body. There seems to be this absence of communication within myself. My head does one thing, my body another, my heart yet something completely different from the rest. And, quite obviously, it is no longer working in my favor.

It's like that stupid snowball effect. You start out with this tiny perfect snowflake. Then it decides it wants to be friends with other snowflakes. Then they make this ball that wants to roll down this hill. So while its rolling, it gets bigger and bigger. Then comes a tree. The tree splits the enormous ball into a million little pieces. Then all hell breaks loose.

I just keep having those days where you sit around and do nothing. And then at the end of the day, you can't remember a solitary moment in which you did something worthwhile. You might have attempted to talk to friends..but you just don't feel like talking. You might have tried to eat but everything tastes like nothing. You might have put on some music...then turned it off because EVERY damned song reminds you of some event, some stage in your life, or someONE.





On a side note, people that I had assumed I would never see again, perhaps never wanted to see again, or were unconsciously wanting to see again have reemerged into my life. Nick, Erin, Thomas, Daniel... its all too strange to analyze at the moment. I'm still not sure what to make of it. I think that we all create our own destiny...but at some point in one's life, the universe decides to it wants to be queen/king again, so it takes back its authority and shoves you in a direction that you never wanted to be facing.