I am NOT a prostitute.

I, the girl who loves ice cream more than anything, HATES COLD STONE.

My Brandon and I went to get Cake Shakes one lovely evening...only to encounter an entertaining fellow who soon turned out to be a FUCKING CREEP.

Not only did we receive shakes from the guy behind the counter, but also his theories on what makes the world go round. What does he think makes the world go around, you ask? MORNING WOOD BLOW JOBS. WTF, right?? His theory is that guys that get blowjobs in the morning go through the day successfully. Therefore, if enough guys got blowjobs, the world would be in such a better place. Maybe thats all George W. needs then.

This guy then proceeded to say that girls that give those morning wood blowjobs are ditzy. As in, already encoded into their DNA. And girls that get offended by giving a blowjob are the intelligent ones. WTF, mate??

THEN, according to him, JAPANESE girls are the best at sex because it comes from years of rearing children in a paternal society in which all the women know how to service their man. Bizzznatch, this is America. I come first.

Even after all this ridiculous theories, the fucker then proceeded to inform me that he would like to try me out. As if if you put a quarter into me, I'm game. HELL NO.

He's like, "I'd want to try you out. I'm sure you give one hell of a blowjob."
I'm like, "What the fuck, asshole"
He's like, "C'mon, I'd even pay for it."


FUCK YOU BITCH. You're too small.