A Beautiful Mistake.

That's all I've ever made out of my life.

Crazy, unbridled, yet full of beautiful learned lessons- mistakes.


One after another. Resulting from lack of sound judgement, very little coherence, absolutely no sense of coordination with mind nor body. There seems to be this absence of communication within myself. My head does one thing, my body another, my heart yet something completely different from the rest. And, quite obviously, it is no longer working in my favor.

It's like that stupid snowball effect. You start out with this tiny perfect snowflake. Then it decides it wants to be friends with other snowflakes. Then they make this ball that wants to roll down this hill. So while its rolling, it gets bigger and bigger. Then comes a tree. The tree splits the enormous ball into a million little pieces. Then all hell breaks loose.

I just keep having those days where you sit around and do nothing. And then at the end of the day, you can't remember a solitary moment in which you did something worthwhile. You might have attempted to talk to friends..but you just don't feel like talking. You might have tried to eat but everything tastes like nothing. You might have put on some music...then turned it off because EVERY damned song reminds you of some event, some stage in your life, or someONE.





On a side note, people that I had assumed I would never see again, perhaps never wanted to see again, or were unconsciously wanting to see again have reemerged into my life. Nick, Erin, Thomas, Daniel... its all too strange to analyze at the moment. I'm still not sure what to make of it. I think that we all create our own destiny...but at some point in one's life, the universe decides to it wants to be queen/king again, so it takes back its authority and shoves you in a direction that you never wanted to be facing.