Bedshaped

Moving.

2008-08-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

New blog at:

alwaystwitterpated.wordpress.com

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T15:27:00.001-07:00

I'm slipping...

2008-04-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know when I'll recover this time.

If I ever do.

Tee Hee.

2008-04-02T00:59:00.000-07:00

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/02/07/58-japan

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls

*Note: highlight & copy websites into your browser. creating a link is too high tech for me.

I HATE the P.M.

2008-03-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

'...The Predictable Male is a common species. He grows in every neuk and corner of our globe and tends to dress with little imagination and / or individual personality. His hair will be unadventurous and he may very well have had the same hairstyle since he was a boy at school, without any deviation from the "short-ish at the back and sides and a little bit messy on the top but not TOO messy" style that's served him so boringly well over the years. You will tend to find this species talking at length about things that are incredibly, well... predictable. Examples in this case are futile. You will simply know you are dealing with The Predictable Male when you find yoursef predictably predicting his topics of conversation and your Bland Alarm begins ringing in the back of your skull. The most common topics, however, are usually cars or money or debt or clubs / bars etc. You may come across the odd 'maverick' Predictable Male - he may say things like "You know, I feel like just ditching it all and moving to Thailand, you know?". This is a device used to give the female the impression that he has a softer, more worldly, less corporate, more 'hip' side to him and isn't just one of these 'boring guys'. Much like a virus mutates, so does the P.M...'

Quotation from 'The Predictable Male', by Hugh Janus.

Move over boys...

2008-03-19T02:23:00.001-07:00

I'm in love.

I've decided its about time that I get back to writing. After losing my first novel to tragic & debilitating computer complications, I'm in need of something more tangible.

Get me one and I'll make sweet, hot, dirty, love-you-long-time love to you.

ROOMIE!

2007-09-18T10:49:00.001-07:00

Jaclyn flies in today!!!!

Cheeeehoooooooo! Watch out boys! She's a MANEATER!

I Miss You = I Love You

2007-08-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

The world will never be the same. And you're to blame.

New Books!!!

2007-05-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

What Ifs

2007-05-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

A lot of "what ifs?" are suddenly occurring all at once.

And I'm stuck here really not knowing what to do.

BIIIIIIG pickle.

I Don't Like To Share.

2007-05-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

Period.

Drop that bitch and come here.

You know she will never be me.

Old Habits Die Hard.

2007-05-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

He lured me back into my old habits.

It wasn't my fault, I swear!

Pussy Whipped.

2007-05-05T16:51:00.000-07:00

I scare you because you know what I can do.
I scare you because you have no idea who I will tell.
I scare you because you know you already are in love with me.

I scare you because you know that I'm using you.
I scare you because you know you can never have me.
I scare you because you know that I don't want only you.
I scare you because you know that you're NOT the "one".

Listen to me. You might as well call it off now. Before your fragile little heart get broken into pieces. Because you know I won't care if it is. Because I won't do a damned thing about it but walk away. And not look back. So leave now.

Country boys and city girls don't do well together. I've told you before, you're too nice. And I'm not. I'd say I'm sorry. But I'm not. You were fun while it lasted.

Give Me Smog.

2007-05-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

I miss home. A lot, a lot.

I hate being surrounded by these simple minded folk. Give me the assholes, the 80mph drives, plastic tits and dicks.

California is a reality check to whom ever lingers its way. I'm stuck in this fucking Six Days, Seven Nights movie day in and day out.

TAKE ME HOME. (or to Germany.)

I am NOT a prostitute.

2007-04-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

I, the girl who loves ice cream more than anything, HATES COLD STONE.

My Brandon and I went to get Cake Shakes one lovely evening...only to encounter an entertaining fellow who soon turned out to be a FUCKING CREEP.

Not only did we receive shakes from the guy behind the counter, but also his theories on what makes the world go round. What does he think makes the world go around, you ask? MORNING WOOD BLOW JOBS. WTF, right?? His theory is that guys that get blowjobs in the morning go through the day successfully. Therefore, if enough guys got blowjobs, the world would be in such a better place. Maybe thats all George W. needs then.

This guy then proceeded to say that girls that give those morning wood blowjobs are ditzy. As in, already encoded into their DNA. And girls that get offended by giving a blowjob are the intelligent ones. WTF, mate??

THEN, according to him, JAPANESE girls are the best at sex because it comes from years of rearing children in a paternal society in which all the women know how to service their man. Bizzznatch, this is America. I come first.

Even after all this ridiculous theories, the fucker then proceeded to inform me that he would like to try me out. As if if you put a quarter into me, I'm game. HELL NO.

He's like, "I'd want to try you out. I'm sure you give one hell of a blowjob."
I'm like, "What the fuck, asshole"
He's like, "C'mon, I'd even pay for it."

FUCK YOU BITCH. You're too small.

Lazy Mornings.

2007-04-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

Mmm. Mornings of hours and hours of quality bed time are what I live for. Okay, I lied. Quality bed time at any time of the day is what I live for.

I may be the Queen of Self Indulgence... but boy, was this morning a good one.

-Had a few hours of the greatest cuddling time ever after a job well done.
-An early morning drive in the rain! The RAIN!! How I missed thee...
-No road rage to be seen! Nor heard!
-The jazz music! Light on the piano and drums..but rich with sax solos. It just might be my new favorite thing. AFTER, sex and cupcakes/ice cream/noodles, of course.
-After a bowl of ramen, guess what was on the tube?! AMELIE! My favorite movie ever.

IMAGINE!!! What if I had ALL THREE at ONCE?! Sex, jazz music and ice cream covered cupcakes?! I shall make it happen.

I heart today.

Isn't It Ironic?

2007-03-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

"You'v already won me over, in spite of me."

How could I have let myself?? None of this should have happened. You're supposed to be just one of those boys whose last name I forget a few months down the road.

But you're not. And I hate that. It's that movie ending... the convertible classic car rides off into the sunset, the couple together, leaving nothing behind but a thick layer of dust where its been. Except, in this story, the guy forgot the girl. And no matter what she does or what he says, he doesn't make that u-turn. His heavy foot still remains on the gas pedal...getting as far away as he can get.

I have everything that could keep me occupied...but you still end up in my head.

Last year, my life was so incredibly simple and sweet. School was easy (and I was stilll attending), I was only working one job (instead of four), friends were around and I went home often enough. A boyfriend who would do anything for me...gave me the small world he knew. We broke up but it wasn't so hard. '07 looks as its heading towards a difficult year.

With all this, its hard to keep optimisitic. The reality is...you're going to always be that "what if?" guy. At times, I don't want to accept that that could be true. It's my rare glass-full thinking. But in the back of my analytical mind, I know its a lost cause. There is no hope to be had.

The one person that I want to give my world to....doesn't want it. Fuck you. It was all a lie.

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. I've been denying it all these years but perhaps I'm one of those. I want that person that would travel hundreds of thousands of miles just to see me for a minute. The one that can stop analyzing everything and jump into anything with me. One who can forget everyone else exists, except us. I am going to let myself be whisked away by someone who's already in love with me. It'd be completely effortless. We'd travel the world. He'd let me have my zoo of animals. Two beautiful German/Japanese kids with a whole rainbow of 10 adopted children.

I would be his world. And he would be mine.

California On The Brain.

2007-03-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

"That which will never come again is what makes life so sweet."

Days like these... These "contemplation" days- the ones that make you pause, that make you take deeper breaths, that make you sit back and look at what is before you-type of days are so few and far between lately.

I used to have these days all the time. I'd just lounge around in pajamas listening to Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta Jones. Watch the sunlight's shadows move. Rock in my hammock and count clouds. Read an entire book, cover to cover. Daydream my day away.

Just makes me wonder how numbered these days are.

P.S. Your love is better than ice cream. I'm addicted.

Publius Cornelius Tacitus.

2007-03-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

"Forbidden things have a secret charm."

"For those who fly across the seas, they change their skies, not their souls."

A Beautiful Mistake.

2007-03-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

That's all I've ever made out of my life.

Crazy, unbridled, yet full of beautiful learned lessons- mistakes.

One after another. Resulting from lack of sound judgement, very little coherence, absolutely no sense of coordination with mind nor body. There seems to be this absence of communication within myself. My head does one thing, my body another, my heart yet something completely different from the rest. And, quite obviously, it is no longer working in my favor.

It's like that stupid snowball effect. You start out with this tiny perfect snowflake. Then it decides it wants to be friends with other snowflakes. Then they make this ball that wants to roll down this hill. So while its rolling, it gets bigger and bigger. Then comes a tree. The tree splits the enormous ball into a million little pieces. Then all hell breaks loose.

I just keep having those days where you sit around and do nothing. And then at the end of the day, you can't remember a solitary moment in which you did something worthwhile. You might have attempted to talk to friends..but you just don't feel like talking. You might have tried to eat but everything tastes like nothing. You might have put on some music...then turned it off because EVERY damned song reminds you of some event, some stage in your life, or someONE.

On a side note, people that I had assumed I would never see again, perhaps never wanted to see again, or were unconsciously wanting to see again have reemerged into my life. Nick, Erin, Thomas, Daniel... its all too strange to analyze at the moment. I'm still not sure what to make of it. I think that we all create our own destiny...but at some point in one's life, the universe decides to it wants to be queen/king again, so it takes back its authority and shoves you in a direction that you never wanted to be facing.

Lost.

2007-02-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

Time and time again, I've heard that I live in my own little world. Only recently have I noticed that it may be true. I believe it's one of my many defense mechanisms. Thus, I can create and live in my own happiness. A world in which cupcakes are for breakfast, speed limits are void, money is spent like there is no tomorrow, things can be said out of order and context, and everyone is allowed to ignore all responsibilities and reprecussions.

But that world, that is created solely by me, for me, I am suddenly feeling quite lost in.

My life is falling apart. School is no longer entertaining. Work is mundane. My computers are dead. My love life is shot. My bank account is low.

And luck is running out.

I need another life-altering moment. The Lightbulb. The Great Epiphany. The Moment that brings the monotonous into a new light, a new viewpoint. The One that brings the tremendous swelling of your chest, full of new life and hope.

It's Delicate.

2007-01-30T02:11:00.000-08:00

Damien Rice's song came on.

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why'd you fill my sorrows
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why'd ya sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to ya
Why'd you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why'd you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place that you've known
And why'd ya sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to ya
Why'd you sing with me at all?

I hate this. I hate you for leaving.

Please.

2007-01-28T12:29:00.001-08:00

"Be to her virtues very kind, be to her faults a little blind."

-Matthew Prior

Sweetly Broken.

2007-01-28T10:46:00.000-08:00

To all:

1. I can't do this anymore. The little white lies keep building up. I know you're lying so I keep a running count. It's more than it should have ever been. Everytime I see you it makes it harder. I can't trust you. I wish you would just leave already. Get away from here...from me. It's like trying to keep water in your cupped hands. No matter what you do, you know it will soon be gone.

2. It's the best its ever been. Yet I'm not sure if its time. I can't take that step...you should know that by now. The things you said...it was too much. Too much, too soon. Too much at one time. It's not that I think you can't handle me. For the first time, it's I think I won't be able to handle you.

3. The things you told me... I didn't know where it was coming from. Could I be that oblivious to the people that surround me? I know you think it would be the greatest travesty if there was no attempt. But I think the attempt would be wasted from the start. There would be no sort of normalcy. No sense of security.

4. I can't stay in this limbo with you. Choose sides. You have a girl. So leave me alone. I'm not obligated to you anymore.

5. You have always been there for me. No matter what. I don't understand how our situation could happen. Only storybooks follow that road. I just hate that we're worlds away. Come away with me.

Worst Possible Outcome.

2007-01-26T02:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not trying to break your heart. Honestly.

And you'll probably hate me for the rest of your life.

But I just can't. It's not in my nature. I'm a creature of habit. And it's not in my habits either.

...

2007-01-24T02:17:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes, I get speechless...completely lose my train of thought...because I have you on my mind..."

:( I'm a fan of flight...

Take me far away from here...

No More Attempts.

2007-01-24T00:58:00.000-08:00

So I said I was giving up on trying with you.

And tonight was the last time.

You're right. I'm too nice for my own good.

Deja Vu.

2007-01-17T21:31:00.000-08:00

IT happened again. It skipped a beat.

You are so over.

2007-01-16T23:07:00.001-08:00

And out.

Let Them Eat CUPcakes!

2007-01-16T00:18:00.000-08:00

It really is the little things...the simplest pleasures that make my day.

Cupcakes, for example.

Or my pets. My bed. Ice water. Ice cream. Soup. Smiles. Dimples. Sand between my toes. Clean linens. A great cuddler. Good conversation. Books. New words. Birds in flight. Rainy days and rubber boots. Leather boots.

Saturday night was not my idea of a good time. However, all horrid regrets about going to North Shore on Saturday night was overridden by my Sunday day/night. No need for explanation. But wow, I did not realize how much I missed it. The night was as close to perfect as it possibly could have been.

It's like that feeling when you think about a past moment and it makes you smile. That warm, fuzzy, my heartstrings are being pulled kind of feeling. Well, Sunday was definitely not the "awww!" type of moment; it was more of a "holy fuck!" type of day, that still makes you smile.

Get The Point.

2007-01-14T22:15:00.001-08:00

I intensely dislike you.

You're annoying. You say things that don't need to be said. You talk too much.

We're complete opposites. And not in the "opposites attract" kind.

I don't return your phone calls. So get the hint.

Smarten up, buddy. Stop calling me.

Naivety.

2007-01-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

I should have known. I let myself believe for one second...but not again. Never again.

No phone calls, please.

2006-12-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

Deep voices make my knees weak and my panties wet.

What the fuck am I to do with you!?

The Zsa Zsa Zoo

2006-12-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

It happened. A few days ago and I can't stop thinking about it.

Your eyes lock but don't divert. They stay locked because you can't stop staring. You want him but you don't know him. You can tell he wants you too but its more then the animalistic want that will happen later on. It's more. It's unexplainable. Every you could want to tell him is said through your stares. The movie reel is spinning... the world around you is a blur. It's on your mind...HE'S on your mind. But you don't know his name.

Is that love at first sight? Or want at first sight?

What about the second sight? What if the zsa zsa zoo is gone?

Or even worse. What if he just is one that makes good eye contact?

The blurring...the reel...the wrenching of hearts..was all superimposed on top of the real picture.

Sex on the Beach

2006-12-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

No, not with that little one. I believe that to be illegal in 49 states (Ahem, Utah!)

Evan is the cute little hapa kid I nanny for.

However, when Jamie's got responsibilities...schedules...appointments...errands to run...what does she do?

Completely the opposite of course. None of them. Typical.

Started with a champion's breakfast of turkey hash loco moco, Kimuraya bread, and orange juice. Yes, I'm a piglet...I know. After watching some weird 80s quasi-porn, headed down to the infamous beach of Kahala where just a week before a wallet and two cell phones were stolen. Smart huh? But this time, folks, the scenario was different! Only my book and a couple of Fujis accompanied me to the beach. How you like dem apples, robbers?!

A nice day on a semi-secluded beach. Especially for the aforementioned blog title. However, I finished reading my book. "Beasts of No Nation"- my take? An easy read with under 200 pages with the elementary pidgin English of African militia. Though the wording may be elementary, the book gives deep perspective into the inner conflict of a young soldier's combat neurosis, fatigue, and experiences.

A good day overall. Minus the sudden rememberance of a newly tiled floor that needed cleaning when I returned home. So being the Cinderella that I am, I scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees. (*I always do housecleaning in heels.) At least my crocodile green heels got broken into!

Devirginized: My First Blog

2006-12-04T00:58:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the kind sir, Mr. Brandon Kostelecky (see above), I am now an official blogger. Blogger, Myspace-er, student-er, her.

Like most virgins, I'm not quite sure what I am supposed to write/do? about in/on? this thing. Shall I discuss weekends? Boysss (extra plural) (who am I kidding?)? School? Work? All monotonous.

But perhaps I shall resign to the uneventfulness of an ordinary girl's weekend.

Friday: Work 8-7pm. At the hospital, we punctured an abcess of a FERAL cat until all the gooey goodness came out. Stitched it up and it's on it's way. Then DEJA VU with the boys. Of whom were all on their cell phones..rubbing into my face that I am no longer in the 2000s. I am stuck in the 90s with Zach Morris...but even he had a cell phone. Who knew going back in time sucks so hard? But the movie was interesting. Makes you think...my type of movie.

Saturday: Woke up to six Laotian men yelling throughout the house. One knocking on my door to use my bathroom. Then preceeded to force me to rise from my bed with an electric saw, stomping through the house and knocking three hammers at once. Missed the football game though saw how shitty (what a terrible adjective) UH played on tv. Then slept well. Quite well actually.

Sunday: Went to help Ricky Bear move his teeny bed. Over six feet tall and sleeps on a twin?! It seems humanly impossible, no? I'm five-nothing on a California King! I suppose he must have some kind of talent to do that every night...
Richard- get a bigger bed = get a girl!